Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
