Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
