Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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