I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
