Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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