My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
