Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
