There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
