It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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