Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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