We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
