I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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