Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
