What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
