It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
