I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
even my farts smell like vagina
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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