I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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