Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
