There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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