they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
