I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
