So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
farters have to be the big spoon...
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Sober January is a disaster.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
