in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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