Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Pants are for mortals
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
