Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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