i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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