When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
What drink are we having for lunch?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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