He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
