Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
