Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
