Writing my paper on freud at bar
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Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
