No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Holy sore nipples Batman
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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