like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
