I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
