someone get that fucking seahorse.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
