we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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