I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
