i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
