Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
