i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
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