he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
