You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
