I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
