Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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