We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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