Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
