just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
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