Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
