I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
