and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
