Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
