I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
