Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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