My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
