I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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