I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
