you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
It's never too late to be topless.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
