all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
