He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
