Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Randomize
