literally had 100 drinks last night.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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