Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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