and you said cock pushups were impossible
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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