I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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