if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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