am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
